Years and counting……

Dec 3, 2014

“I know that in marriage love grows as years passes by
I know that, in the believe, the bond gets stronger
I know that now, it is the pleasure to know…
That I am not alone to go through…”

It is not the dream of being in this heaven of ours. Life takes it toll, into our mind, our heart and our senses. And to believe that there will be someone on your side, is I think, the most beautiful in Life, is that one can aspire to achieve. 

Go on, and work harder, dream harder and run after it. Stumble upon it, get up and try again. Everything is achievable, gettable and within our reach. It is only us that we don’t try to extend our hand further and harder.

In living the so called dream, what we want is not what it has always been, it changes, it flies, it disappears and appears just to make us feel wanted and be alive. Without this feelings we would not be human, and become humane for all those who are around us.

Get inspired, get loved, get friends and family around, go and see the world with those eyes that understand, a heart that feels, and the warmth of our being to welcome and be welcomed. If I have lived through all this and survived all the divides and scorn, I am happy not to be alone…

The Realm, winter is coming!!

April 13, 2014

Indeed so hmmm! as the brighter days are gradually disappearing on the horizon, the sun has decided to take some rest from those days it has been outside to shine. The wind is becoming chiller and colder, the sun sets earlier, the moon seems brighter and rise earlier and our feet feels colder. At home with the heater, and some warm blanket, some lovely wine and movie I guess….Life seems more duller, moodier and transformation of the thought seems more of a dream.

In this few days, walking around and learning so many things – Photoshop, Lightroom, Aperture and many more, creating pictures, colours, clicking and trying different shades and lights. I love the way people seem lost in thoughts, hugging their jackets close to their chest, it seems that life has just began to go inside the rabbit hole. I love the way as the sun shines and its ray percolate through different holes and pathways and gullies – the golden array, the warmth and then the smile…. the skin seems to glow, the eyes seems to glitter and the smiles….

Life is really an experience, feeling the fun, the brighter side of my artistic talent that I have cherished to achieve and progressed to achieve my hobby, and trying to open my mind, my creativity, my heart and trying to see the blank canvas the forming figures, colours and lines. I felt that I have lost so many of the intuitive nature of mine. 

Winter is coming, its cold, wet, dusky, and foggy everywhere. I have to search beauty everywhere, find them, caress them and try to bring them into my canvas and give them a place on it, trying to capture them and give them a place on my computer and share them through my site for everyone to see. In trying my endeavour, I wish to share, I wish to preserve my creativity forever to see, to feel and to cherish forever.

Of What we are and we were!!

Aug 27, 2012

“Ever every day I think, I think of myself, of the surrounding

Every day my thoughts tend to wonder, around the places

Every day my dreams seems real, my reality a sense of wonder

Ever every day, my steps becomes stronger and stronger…”

It is stranger and stranger as we grow old, we find things that are not suited to us. Things that we were able to do, becomes a task. And the achievements that we have treasured so far seems lame and gone with time. There is talk of the end of world and one can see people preparing for that, how truthful is this. We may never see the end of the world but tend to worry for our descendants who are going to carry our heritage.

But we still talk about different worlds, the developed, the developing and the underdeveloped. It’s like Sigmund Freud discussing the id, the ego and the superego. It’s amazing where the thin lines of human thoughts criss-cross with the reality of politics and humanity. About owning materials and owning things greater than anyone. Of all the wants and wishes, to this date has been Money and Gold and all the worries come from them. Most of the wars in history was fought for women and beauty. For captivity and Land. What do we fight for Today !!

We are what we want to be, we do what we want to achieve. In doing so, we loose our being, our morality and the metaphor of living ourselves. We need to change for the world, for our future, for our Earth that has given so much. For our friends and family, for our lovers and enemies at least. Life is greener then we think it is, it has all the beauty as described as heaven, it will ultimately survive forever even when we die. It lives as long as we live, there is heaven, there is hell, there are all the fun of being alive.

Our being is believed to be alive and happy, to be able to enjoy every day that we live, to be able to smile at every stranger who passes by – I just like the glimmer in their eyes, the hope of friendship, or just the hatred, of being smiled at. The complexity of we human is immense, is just unfathomable and that we can’t and will never be able to decipher. If we can move mountains with pleasantness, with love and with companionship. We can also do the opposite of all the good things. There cannot be light without the darkness, no ugliness without beauty, no friendship without enmity.

What??

Aug 27 2012

It has been long, long enough that I have written my thoughts. Between the sheets of my thoughts and my dreams, there have been so many things that has happened, all good and so many unpleasant.

Life is just not what we think it is, we are lost in the realm of our thoughts and dreams, our wishes and our achievement that we want. It appears nothing can be achieve without working hard for sure that we know, working harder may make it better and seems to see the lights.

We sit in this world which we are not ours to be, we were not born here, its not the way we have lived ! but we seems to enjoy all the pleasures it has given to us. Then we forget our identity, our roots, our being of been able to be here. We always become what we are and changes our identity as required without the consciousness of really being that is required. We think that now we live in a develop country ! our country is bad, is dirty, is unhealthy and that I have heard people saying – “i can’t believe how people can live in India?”… its like saying how did I survive my mothers womb in India?? 

Why do you want to go back to India? This is the question one will hear many times the moment you mention of going back. As if I have said something that is ridiculously wrong, or characteristically un call for when One is happily living in this developed world. I may be wrong, so wrong of my thoughts, my believe might be so unrealistic… but hey, I am talking about my country, my motherland where I was born, where I did become what I am today and is able to come here in the develop country to work. 

It all depends on what one wants and believes. Some friends I remember saying “you know, your son should use fork and knife to eat his food instead of his hand” What, why, I am Indian, and tell you what, there is no indian food that will be much better eating with fork and knife or spoon. Its much better with ones hand… why don’t one go and say it to the Chinese or the Japanese  who has basically change the eating habit of the western world to use Chop sticks with there food? Why can’t we do that, or just let it be for us to eat with our hands. Saying this, I am intend to remain as an indian by choice, and if my son wants to be what he wants that is his choice and that ones choice is not to be forced to others.

Let’s at least believe that our country is getting better, lets at least have that confidence that there are many good things that we miss, that we always have a hole in our heart in our human being.

The warming glow of holiday..

March 29, 2014

After a break from the daily grind of life, I did get a few weeks off completing my stint with MedSTAR. And as it ended, something beautiful was starting. The Adelaide Fringe, which is not new, is held every year indeed. But never realised that it was since I never got the time to see the Fringe. The month of February and March 2014 had so much to offer – from cabaret to music, visual arts, book reading, bizarre world, theatrical dance and drama, circus, V8 racing – Clipsal, food – culinary skills and class, and then Womadelaide. My happiness disappeared, well, where what to see. I had no clue… but of course, the list had to be small – Womadelaide, Garden of Unearthly Delight, food, and some circus and theatre. That’s it, I told myself. 

After a break from the daily grind of life, I did get a few weeks off completing my stint with MedSTAR. And as it ended, something beautiful was starting. The Adelaide Fringe, which is not new, is held every year indeed. But never realised that it was since I never got the time to see the Fringe. The month of February and March 2014 had so much to offer – from cabaret to music, visual arts, book reading, bizarre world, theatrical dance and drama, circus, V8 racing – Clipsal, food – culinary skills and class, and then Womadelaide. My happiness disappeared, well, where what to see. I had no clue… but of course, the list had to be small – Womadelaide, Garden of Unearthly Delight, food, and some circus and theatre. That’s it, I told myself. 

I got my camera cleaned and ready, all my batteries charged and my finger well exercised. After breaking my right foot last year and stuck at home with a cast for 8weeks, I was ready….

We don’t realise how time passes, and life goes on. The music was good, food was awesome and doing nothing was even better….

Ahh…

Feb 21, 2012

Just another day

Nov 23, 2012

Its not just another Day in our life

Its the One Day given to you, Today

Its given to you, its a gift

Its the only gift you have right now

and the only appropriate response is gratefulness.

and to cultivate that response 

to the great gift of this unique Day it is…

and to response as if its the First and Last day of our life

then we would have spend this day, very well.

Begin by opening the eyes and be surprise

and to see all the colours and smiles, is just simple pure enjoyment

and every moment to moment, its just living uniquely

This day, is the Day… that we would never experience ever again

Look around, the faces, the people, there are so many stories

Stories that may go so far, and to feel them at that moment

Open your Heart, open your Eyes… to all that our senses can take

Its an experiences, its a lifetime of feeling….

That is Today, the Now, the present

Let the love flows, let the smile infects everyone

Then that Today, will flow with Love and memories…

and you would have lived the greatest Day of your Life…

---

Another Day, Another time…..

Feb 01, 2012

Chuck Lorre creator of The Big Bang Theory and Two and a half man quoted interestingly,

‘The voice in his head, never stopped for breath

It spoke of danger, it warned of death.

It shouted “Hurry, pack up and flee!”

And all before his morning pee.’

As in life and in the daily routine of our life, we hurry for everything, we worry for so many things and yet we never learn from our mistake or from the achievement we have made. If we do achieve the greatest, we look at others and belittle them of where they are, and if we don’t achieve, we look at the achiever and mock at their ways of life of being not honest. Where do we stand, do we ever understand this as we travel through our life.? Honesty is vital to making effective changes and identifying who one really is and what one really want.

When you lie about who you are or what you really believe, you reinforce the idea that you need to pretend to be someone else or that you are not fundamentally “good enough”. Worse you undermine virtually every other key principle for self improvement because they are based on the premise that you have identified your authentic self and your goals. Lying honestly in this modern world has become a trend to live and follow.

I have woke up and slept for years, as do we have. Everyday remain to be different from the beginning. Every step we take, even the morning coffee seems different. As we set out for the daily work we do, we smile, we shake our head to colleague in anticipation of what? 

We get angry, we get anxious and irritated. Some live their jobs, some get sacked, some family reunites, some separated, broken. We cry we weep, and we make ourselves sensitive to our environment and making us feel humane. But most of the time, we laugh, and laughter is the only emotion that makes us happy, laughter makes other people smile, and make our surrounding much more pleasant.

“Life began to disappear when love begin to appear”

As the saying goes, where will I be if I was not here. Sometimes I tend to ponder about our life and our activity. As the Summer vacation ends and as our kids school starts, the hectic activity, the organization of there books and telling them “hey, sleep early! cause school starts tomorrow”. Life starts its roller coster of continuity and standards that we try to maintain.

Where are all the outdoor activities that we enjoyed when we were kids, where are our friends, where has the daylight disappear, today when we spend most of our time on Facebook and twitter, following friends and family, discussing openly of our private and not so private life… reasoning that “Look I found all my mates on Facebook after such a long time? “Just Lame, Lame” Is there any options? Do we really have time to go out and meet them? or do we really care to do so.

Certain things that we only enjoy is a hard day work and come home for a lovely Australian wine and dinner, watching the Australian Open, the Cricket, “Footy” and just CNN I guess, and half the time spending stooping with our smartphone and iPads looking at the Facebook and twitter… ahh again and again.

As I was walking in the street, I could not find anybody who did not have a smartphone, who were actually not looking the road but able to walk through the traffic of people and cars without getting hit or push, and I thought, “do we need eyes”? Probably we do, to look at our smartphone.

Going back years in the past when we were in Medical school with no mobile phones, therefore no call from home to tell me that I must study harder or stop spending to much money, or don’t you get drunk or stoned, but clearly our parents were smart in limiting our resources by giving us much less amount of pocket money. As of now, how do the kids escape the parenting look behind the shoulder, when one is so connected!!!

My Son one day told me watch “Two and a half Men” the sitcom and I wondered if there are people like Charlie Sheen character. OOO “What a Life”, but as we know, sitcom or movies they were made for people who has nothing but dreams… wonderful dreams…where the reality actually meets is some kind of a Dream again.

“We live, we dance, we love, we hate and of all and above we work hard, to achieve what we have dreamed off, to reach a stage where we think we will be happy, to think that when we will be old we will be Loved” …

The developed world

Aug 22, 2012

Life is just the assumption that one can assume when we tend to live our country and try to rehabilitate ourselves to the country we think is better then ours? And in thinking that… is not wrong indeed. As we cling on the fence trying to decide which side we could fall, the dilemma starts, the confusion begins and we start to think of all the good things that we are living behind and all the better things that we might be able to achieve.
As I nearly lived a decade away from my country now in a develop country, and in “trying to balance between two boats with one feet in each”, my leg hurts, my everything… hurts and the assumption that I might be happier has not yet settled into this mind of mine. I don’t know if it is different for non-medicos or is it the same. And in thinking back into my past in my country, what am I missing? I always came to my own critical conclusion that – I have missed a lot and lots of good things. But then when ever I spoke to my friends, my colleagues and some other Indians – there opinion seems to have differ then mine… all the time… all the time. Have I been wrong?
I guess it all depends on ones choice of life and the life one might have left behind. As for the choice I presume that probably many things are better, how many? I do not know, but as I say depends on the past that we have left behind. My friends and colleagues looks at me and probably thinking “who is this bloody fellow man”?  How could he say such good things about his country? when we know it is not. Then I tend to ask them, alright tell me the life that you have lived there. In fact most of them have not. They don’t have a good story to tell, neither have they achieved to a certain standard to have missed the good things. Probably they are afraid to sustained in a country with too many competency, too many above oneself to fight for, too many hurdles that one can be able to achieve. I believe, one can earn respect, not demand it. And for those who does demand actually are not respectable at all. And the respect that one can earn in a developing country for anything is not measured in its size, is not measured with money – it is a measurement of a person’s heart.
I am wrong and will be wrong for all that I might think about living abroad in the develop world of ours, and will try to change my thinking and be levelled with my friends, but I do not know if it is a happier choice for me or for those who has pitiful self respects of oneself. I have learn, earn, lived the happy life abroad… but my thoughts will remain stuck in some crevices, and in darkness and hoping for a light, to make me feel better, and be a better person. Love your past, love oneself and your friends and family, and this might healed the remaining wounds that we might still have.

If the laughter were unheard of…

Lost I will be, without those hands that supported me.

I must now lay myself with my eyes closed and just float into the world of dreams. Let my mind melt into the realm may be I donot understand. My darker side reveals that I have lost all the ability to be what I wanted to be, my lighter side just ignores…

The year that has passed

Jan 16 2012

Alright, it has been long, long enough that I have not written anything on my blog. And many thing has gone by, many good things has happen, many bad things did as well. Its 2012, the year that is suppose to end. Among the lose that I have felt was the lost of Steve Job, the lost of a man that has indeed change the way we looked at our computers, and smartphones. But life must go on.
Reading Steve Biography was amazing, to realise a man of his caliber, to sneak a peek of his life and his dreams, the construction of Apple, the follow up. Probably we may not see a man like him for many years to come, and not at least at this life time.

Returning from India after a visit at home and meeting families and friends, and getting the feels of my country and its economy is just addictive to a point that Yes! one day, One day – India will be the economic hotspot, the economic burst for the people. No wonder, we Indian tends to miss the crowd, the noise, the smells most of all the friends and families – their love, there ways of saying things that the westerner will never understand. The feeling of closeness, that one is safe and happy. Oh!! and the music, Bollywood, the food and just the smiles from all the  experiences around the marketplaces….
Other things that made me worried was the Northeastern part of India, its so distant 10-15 years behind everything that we do today. Especially Manipur, no proper internet, electricity, transport and life, what is it, scared to service in your own home, own backyard… I don’t know whether that is going to change, it is the people if they want to. It seems they are just as happy as they were 10years ago, not worried of the future, just happy to fuck around with there girls in the haystacks.

We show so many other development in the technological aspect, the Apples lines of there beautiful hardware – Macbook Air, iPad 2 and the new iPhone 4s with Siri. TV’s with apps like the samsung series, some of the google TV etc. What do we want as a consumer? I want things that I want to see and watch easily accessible from anywhere, anyplace and any device if I choose to. iPad has the promise so does the samsung apps. I want the TVs to make there apps and distribute everywhere that is easily accessible with a minimum price, without the cable monsters, directly to us and as a consumer that is what I want, what we would like to see and hope we are going that way.

We did organise a small gathering of close friends in adelaide for a 31st 2011 celebration with our kids in and, always the kids, and of course they enjoyed it, so did we. Some lovely food, wine and friends among them the discussion of Cricket to a level that I thought… where am I? Cricket??? Indian Cricket??? The happiness of the friends and the family is probably what we tend to survive the worst of the feelings. Life is indeed simple if we want to take it that way. Some friends, kids, food, music, all smiles and there you have it… thats Life.
Where my Life is passing and my future intends to go
Where my dreams was and where will it be…
My awareness has gone dimmer every time my eyes are open
My superEgo has suppress all that I wanted to..

Another post, another day, other ways that I will intend to fill some space when I can. I have thought of putting some pictures which eventually I will.

Do I write poetry?

Aug 4 2011

Living Abroad

Aug 01 , 2011

Living abroad” I thought would be a title that probably will sound odd or interesting. There are many Indian who has migrated for work and decided to stay back for the purpose that it suits them or us. Every time I find a friend who ask me, is it worth staying back? Does it? I just look at them and always think, why not I ask them instead, but decides otherwise.We live in any place in the world other then our own country is mainly for work but in the long run we come to like and love the place where have worked for so many years and thus decide to stay back. Other things included – and the mainly its the money I guess, and the standard of living. Though everyone would agree that we do miss lots of other things like families, food, way of out Indian life and the assistant or help that we get at Home. The services that we can get with the amount one can earn now a days is immense, which one cannot even think of getting them in the developed country. Yes we do miss does? We miss the good food, our way of life where everyone is expected to be welcoming friends and families any time in the house with all the smiles, We love it, don’t be confused. Life seems so much with so little, so much love and respect for just a little we do. We respect our elders, give them support, our children… give them what we can – Just being Selfless is being an Indian.But the wind changes, and changes a lot when anyone of us starts to live abroad. We become an unit of our own life and small family, we become homesick though we are not, we start to love India as if we really do, DO WE? And I don’t know why we start to live a life that becomes so consumed with trying to be that we are not.One day we were just shopping and strolling in the mall and as I was saying to my wife, “look so many Indians”, and as one of them pass bye I thought let me give a smile, which I did !!! and the look or the confused glance I get was “unerringly” not wanted, is Who are you? or Why did he smile?I am beginning to understand that we have come a long way to be what we want to be and what we have become and in doing so we have begin to loose our Identity out selfless being our Just a Being an Indian.

And indeed I thought that I could write some poetry, which I have been but never to be able to publish as yet. But here are some:
Verse 1 – This started with the Facebook status – what’s on your mind…
What’s in my mind…. Let the thought just pour, begins to wonder where am I?

Just a reality the realms of our mind

To feel, to be liked and hated or just a smile

Keeps oneself on our feet, on our world, on our imagination….
Verse -2 – About Life‎

…and to a person, is to believe in what one does.

doesn’t matter what is right or wrong, you will be judged

what matter is the fact and the truth of oneself and its goodness

and that to realize not to harm or be ugly, or be pertinent
Poetry, console oneself of the thought the person may have written. It’s a way to understand the poets understanding of his thoughts and the process of how and when it has happened. There are so many of them that one can bother to go through, of which some sticks in our mind forever. It gives the resource that we require when we may be in a situation, gives the ability to understand what may be happening and sometimes guide us on our path of redemption or path of Success as we might think these days. Whatsoever poems can make us THINK. It gives us the source and makes us Humane. There is a poem in everyday life that we live, there is rhythm, there is rhyme and there is the end of the day with or without the “full stop” that we may continue the next day. It just how we splash colours in them that we choose to like some and ignore some. It’s like painting. As we see a painting exhibit – we like some, we don’t understand some and we choose not to like some because it does not please our mind, our thoughts. Poetry lived forever and will live forever, and one day we will discover one by one and change our liking as our experience grows or as we grow older.I will, whenever I can, penned down a few more words of thought and in believing that one day life that matters for me are those I have written down or those that I have photographed and painted. Poems made by the poets, their thoughts there mind

Poems written for others from the experience of poets

Poems, to believe or not to, lies in the words and lettersPoems, just a little tiny sunshine on a rainy day….

And when we think that all is over, keeps coming back of all the moments we have had. My friends ask about our tour knowing initially being quite apprehensive going back to India after about 5 years, specially when you have a kid. Thinking about getting sick, which would have probably spoiled the journey.

My expectation was beyond which I had. India has changed for good I hope, people has changed, and the mindset has changed – most of all, the energy of Life itself has changed. If there is a country that can over-achieve its dream it will be India.

When I met friends and colleagues the most common phrase that I would hear is “we get everything in India, that you can get abroad”, I haven’t or any of the NRI would have come home thinking he wouldn’t get anything in India, we know we will. But what we looked for and we hope for is the BASIC things in life weather they are available. Like safe potable water to drink, electricity that doesn’t switch off for hours, transportation, and little bits of cleanliness.

Yeah I know that one cannot compare India with US/UK, Australia where the population is 1/10th of India. The beauty is Indian don’t hide the goodness or the ugliness, see it all if you like it or hate it, that’s the way life will be and has been. My thoughts are for those so call NRIs who comes home and themselves dirty the street by spitting and throwing and Horn a-blazing from the cars, these same person follows the rules abroad to keep it clean – Why can’t they do it at home? And then complain of dirtiness!!!?

India will grow and grow and so will the people. No where one can get the love, the friendship, the family connection or the values that we have. No where one can be so luxurious and be poor as well but still live the life with all the values and love. No where one can enjoy the company of families and friends in such a way, where there is no limits, there is no formalities, there is no word to be said among ourself of what we are and what we do. What matters is that we have met and loved and enjoyed those days.

Here I go blogging again

July 21 2011

Returning from India after a short visit of about 3weeks and meeting friends and family and enjoying the company of so many many people, the heat, the noise, the humidity…. Oh I can’t get over the energy.

The smell of the food still lingers on

The Journey itself was such an eye opener. Meeting friends and especially families. Though the travelling was a little stressful, in the end enjoying the company took all the stress of the journey.It’s well imaginable that Indian food in India is of course the best that one could experience, the street food though avoidable if One has stayed too long abroad but trying them cautiously… I would. It was monsoon in Mumbai and the rain has started to drizzle to pour, the mango season still on – chewing on them was heavenly.

After a good dinner a “glutinous one” and then chewing on a glorious Paan!! awesome. One wonders where is the luxury anywhere, someone to cook, someone to clean and someone to serve. And of course, drive as you like, the traffic being slower then sometime probably one could run faster but the joy…

With all the gloriousness, the fun

the remembrance, the sinful food

Friends that are friends, families who loves

People that are so full of energy, and smile

the road, the traffic, the auto-rickshaw

Here we are again of the things we miss…